My eyes feel like glass marbles looking out into the world
There's a world behind my eyes and I fit in there better
But I'm also the only one in that world
My body doesn't ever feel like its a part of me
It feels like an extension of my brain
Like my brain is my entire being and my body is a hat, a decoration
Sounds and colors are filtered through the glass in a sad separate way
I misinterpret everything and I'm also always misinterpreted
The people I don't understand understand each other but they do not understand me
Do I isolate or have I been isolated to a point
Where I no longer have the energy to interact with other people?
And retreat to my room, to my lap, to my phone, to the door
Open it wide and flee to
To a place I can find slight comfort in my solitude
Until it becomes too much to bear
Till the wolves and wild cats threaten to tear and claw at my soul
Digging up my fears and anxieties
Blowing on them, growing them to a raging blaze of terror and instability
I need to be normal, people will like me that way, I will make friends that way, I will keep friends that way, nothing would change that way
Things would stay the same
No one would leave me when I love them so much that it hurts because
Every feeling hurts and sometimes happy hurts more than sad
Who deserves happiness, is it me?
But who am I?
A baby alien driving a human body, looking through glass marbles into the world
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Author:
bagel (
Offline) - Published: July 10th, 2017 21:06
- Category: Sad
- Views: 28
Offline)
Comments2
Thank you and I'm glad you like it! About being stoned, I am too anxious to think properly otherwise. If I am not high I am unable to express myself in an eloquent manner. I guess when I say that I write stoned I mean that as a way to differentiate my mental health and communication skills from people who are not mentally ill. That people who do not suffer from mental illness may be able to think fine and in a tangible order without the use of drugs or medications or any sort of aide.
My son suffers in a similar way Bagel; he sticks to his medication and he does fine - holding down two jobs, taking college classes, lots of friends, believes in God.... So I have faith that others can do it too. Check out NAMI often; those guys are our friends. Rather than a baby alien driving your body (I know it feels that way) in reality, that's a soul created by God simply working the best she can with a body harmed "My soul bespeaks a body harmed" I write in one of my own poems. You're safe here to express yourself just as you did today. Cheers and many more!
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