An Ode to Myself

This is an ode to myself.

Past, present, and future.

This is for the Katharina

That lays awake at 3 am,

Wondering why she isn't good enough,

Or the 3 pm Katharina who knows

She has a a pure heart, 

And a soul made of gold. 

This is for the same girl

Who tired to burn her body to the ground.

That is the house you grew up in,

How dare you.

This is for the girl who gives so much of herself,

But never expects anything in return.

And for the girl who is still learning

To love the parts of her that no one claps for.

This is for the girl who

Feels awful for the ways she tried to drown her sadness.

You are not a bad person, my love,

And I am grateful you are still here.

This is for present day Katharina.

You are enough.

It is okay to admit that your wounds are still open,

That you are still healing.

It takes time, it takes time.

Please stop denying yourself

The life that you want,

Just because you fear you aren’t good enough.

We are all broken.

But I’ll share a little secret with you,

That’s how the light gets in.

This is the beginning of you

Loving yourself.

Welcome home.

This is for the woman I will be in 5 years time.

I hope you continue dancing to your favorite

Song in the kitchen while doing the dishes.

That is your favorite.

I pray you still find the sweetness

In your own laughter. 

There is something so authentic 

About it.

I hope you do not give up on love.

You will break, but oh,

You will heal.

Hold on to that. 

And I hope there are some days

Where you fall in love with being alive.

I hope part of you heart

Lives there forever.

This is all for you.

I am so proud.