A cold room, in a cold building
People dying
Some crying
So sterile but filled with disease
Long nights for the people in blue and white
A cold room for a mom in pain
Her family sees there's not much time
A man in black bidding his time with her
The boy whose 9 holds his mom’s hair because he doesn’t know any other life
A girl whose 15 birthday is coming and who has to look away and thinks it’s her fault
A husband who has to watch his loving wife who did nothing sit in pain.
What does a cold room have that a home doesn’t?
What do the people in blue and white have that we don’t?
This is what that family asks
What?
Why?
They don’t blame her
They blame death
What would they blame her for
why can she say it’s her fault?
-
Author:
kpomeroy (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: July 13th, 2017 02:39
- Comment from author about the poem: I didn't know how to put my first poem on here so I went with a personal one about what I had to witness in my ow life
- Category: Sad
- Views: 52
Offline)
Comments2
It's wonderful dramatic writing you know and well put together. I'm creating pictures from your words just like u want me to. But what the hecks it all about? Good though. Lets see more of you in here please.
Thank you for the comment. the poem was about my mother and what I have seen. Just to clear that up. I hope i can post more though
Ok i re-read it knowing more now and yes i see what i was missing. For a first poem this is outstanding. Please do some more and you will get loads of encouragement here i can assure u of that, i know i have been given loads since registering couple of weeks ago and its really spurred me on. Do read some of the poems already on here each day, they're inspiring. Also if u find u like one particular poets stuff u can find a list of all their stuff in their profile.
1 more comment
kpomeroy, welcome to the site. A good poem. What I see here is a hospital room with a mother either dead or dying. I just hope it was not your mother.
As for the poem, you give a very good visual description, but I do miss a little bit of emotion and feeling. Just a thought.
Thank you for the welcome and comment. I'm happy you were able to see what I writing about and also thank you for the emotion/feeling. I enjoy reading and welcome constructive criticism.
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.