jaylenrene

Don't Judge.

Don't Judge.
I never really intended to hurt you.
It was me who was hurt the most.
Every time i'd look in the mirror the
Voices in my head would tell me i'm ugly
And Im not worthy enough … or was it me ?
Was it me who was telling myself that I was worthless ?
Maybe it was my mom who was saying it to me by the
Looks she'd give me whenever I'd fail a test that I stayed up
All night studying for. But then again maybe it was me.
Maybe it was me who should've studied ahead of time.
I remember going into the cafeteria every day, sitting
On the floor cause no one would sit with me and I couldn't sit
With anyone else. I was branded with the name “freak” throughout
high school. I don't think people understand what that does to a person.
And these kids isn't mean “freak” as in a sexual freak. These stuck up rich kids
Branded me with a name that made me look in the mirror when I got home not
Because I wanted to see how I looked, but to see how they made me feel.
How they made me look, how they made me feel, how they made me think, what they made
Me think of myself. What someone else. Made me. Think of MYSELF.
And then there was you.
You were the one who said you loved me.
You were the one who got to know me.
You were the one who supported me.
You were the one.
Atleast I thought you were.
The 23rd was the night that I ended everything.
I ended the torture the kids would cause to me.
I ended sitting on the floor in the cafeteria.
I ended staring at myself in the mirror thinking i'm worthless.
I ended it.
I ended it all.
The police report read cause of death : suicide.
I didn't kill myself because I wanted attention.
I didn't kill myself because I needed attention.
I did it because the attention I was giving to others wasn't being payed attention to.
But then there was you.
Now you see, I thought you were the one who'd stick by me through anything.
Then you got a girl friend.
Then you started replying less.
You started transforming into one of them.
One of the stuck up rich kids who branded me with that grotesque name.
But how could you switch ? you unbranded me with that name.
You gave my life a purpose.
So when I killed myself I thought I was doing you a favor.
I thought I was giving you peace.
I thought I was relieving you from my presence so I could be
At eternal peace.
But as I watched down on you from up above I realized that I was wrong.
The affects of what I did affected you more than I could've ever imagined.
You started doing drugs. You started abusing yourself.
And then it happened.
My death took over you as if you knew it was your fault.
As you drove and you drove on that steep windy road that night,
It happened. You lost control and flew off of it.
And there you went.
And there I was up above.
Watching you. Wondering if you'd join me.
And then it happened.
I looked over to my left.
And there you were.
Saying to me.
I never really intended to hurt you.

Comments2

  • onepauly

    good one we are duel in nature.

  • burning-embers

    Jaylenrene too much! To my eyes you've put about five different poems in one huge bulk here. OK i can see its a heartfelt outpouring but i rekkon four or five shorter works would have hit much harder. Just an opinion ok.



To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.