Pain

My head is filled with air, by heart is eating my stomach which does not want me to move breath or think. There is an echo in my soul, pain reverberating to me again and again. You're alone and you chose this, you are lost and you drove here. I cut myself deeper to feel but it is not a knife that breaks through the skin, it is not blood that drains from within. It is hope that tears away pieces of my soul, it is hope that draws me to accept what I know is wrong. It is here I feel at home. It is here I know what I am to do and what part I am to play so in this I am comfortable. It is when the Light shines from the four letters that wreak havoc in my life that I lose more and more the will to play this game, that I look to the bottles of pills, think of the field covered in soft grass, and the sunrise being the last beautiful thing I see.  It is here I truly wonder, the other side of existence, there is a strange peace in it's unknown. I know this is to be my end. Hope will win, or I will have destroyed all in my quest to repel its lusting lull. I am a broken picture patched up so many times no one can remember its origin. I saw myself truly happy once. I saw a young girl untainted by the horrors to come. She was beautiful. I hate her. I envy her. I weep for her destruction. I weep for the destruction still to come. I want to go to sleep. I just want to sleep.