Traitor

The words from the lips of my former drug dealer echo in my head

She had warned me to be careful, but I hear words like those all the time

I really don't commit any real crimes

On the surface, I suppose that is a blatant lie

Darker than white tonight, or was it morning?

Her warning decided to take heed

Still, I was freed by some miracle that could only have been granted by God

My intuition let me know, and I responded a bit later than I should have

Not too late, just barely

I rarely put myself in such juxtapositions

They all keep on petitioning to be able to absorb my ruin, which will never exist

The plane to the concrete shit yard departed without me aboard

I realize now all of the facts of life that can no longer be ignored or wished away

I was led so far astray by the hope that forced me to chase Love's little white rabbit down the man hole

My journey into Wonderland stole a piece of me, a rather substantial one

Too spun out of my mind to pay attention to its depths

The casino didn't hit last night

It zapped me, for the umpteenth time

I ended up with the number thirteen in my wallet

I have always known that thirteen is not a bad omen, it is a symbol of triumph

Everything in life is taught backwards

Being high never seems to pay much

When a stubborn piece of you lies within another person who you have also allowed into you, all ears tend to become clogged by ignorant bliss

Even though they piss sitting down, the toilet seat is continuously left open

This stubborn bitch in question expects me to be able to conquer my finances and save immediately while her left hand is  always out beckoning me to feed her dirty habits what they demand

She chooses to neglect her right to understand and that is a choice I cannot mutate

I refuse to be baited and thrown out into the deepest part of the ocean, lushly littered with carnivorous creatures of the brine

My destiny is mine and mine alone

I won't share it now

I am a bit confused, come to think of it, as to how this all took place

I remember the last page over the intercom before we sank into the gallows of sobriety

So, now what?

I know that I should turn my back to this menace once and for all, but addiction is a true mother fucker

An authentic pain in the ass

The absurdity has already all come to pass and closure will not sneak up on me later

I am sure they will all paint my portrait crudely as they sit in their huddles

Going out of their way to get to the bottom of an infinite well that God and I dug together eons ago

A chasm with a depth they will never know the truth behind, as it lies in clandestine quarantine

I guess now I am the traitor that they all expected me to be

Even though I will never say a single word in the utterance of unveiling them

They already did that for themselves by trying to tattoo my spirit with the blame

All they can remember is my first name which once was one in the same as theirs

Nobody cares about my continuity more than me.....

9/18/2007