If I should Start On Testosterone

If I should start on Testosterone,

I might finally feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin.

 

I would be able to go out without having to worry about not passing as male,

and (hopefully) not be harassed.

 

If I should start on Testosterone, 

I would grow a beard just because I can,

only to shave it all off.

I would be able to look in a mirror and smile at the man staring back at me,

no matter how subtle the changes.

 

My voice would get deeper,

allowing me to sing those songs I love

whose pitches are too low for me to reach.

 

If I should start on Testosterone, 

I would shed bits and pieces of the little girl I used to be.

The little girl who wanted to cut her hair short and play with the boys,

the little girl who believed in Faeries and trolls,

the little girl who's favorite movie was Beetlejuice,

and blossom into the man I was scared I would never have the opportunity to be.

The man who believes in (and will fight for) equal rights.

The man with stars on his walls so that the vast beauty of space will be the last thing he sees before falling asleep.

The man who's favorite movie is still Beetlejuice,

who's favorite superhero is, and always will be, Wonder Woman.

 

And when I DO one day start on Testosterone,

and someone tells me that I look, that I sound, too feminine to be a boy,

I will smile, and tell them that they should have seen me when I was a kid.