drunk texts, unsent

#1

holy shit, i am really drunk

accidentally slammed three beers

pretending that the neck of the bottle

was your lips

#2

part of me wanted to text you

staring up into the sky

praying that the stars would swallow me

and my fingers itched to type out

so many things that i would regret

in the morning

#3

and i imagined telling you

confessions of how i felt

and i imagined that little cursor

blinking back at me like so much

apathy and words swallowed

over and again

#4

and i have kissed

my fair share of people

with lips male and female

with faces smooth and some scruff

or a full beard that i envied

but girls have the softest lips

always have

#5

i wondered what it would be like

to kiss you then

holding your body to mine

hoping you would forgive the splits

in my lip that anxiety helped me put there

#6

a good describing word for how

i felt then with three beers and good food

making its home in my belly

would be “blissed”

i was blissed out on booze and food

and my pining for you

#7

i am sober now

woke up earlier than i would have liked

but then again i fell asleep at 10:30pm

#8

and this thing i feel

it’s like a combination of regret

and disappointment in myself

for not just telling you how i feel

and for needing liquid courage

to get myself to that plateau

of spilling my guts or backing away

#9

and i have forgotten

what my favorite drink tastes like again

in favor of the words to describe

how kissing you for the first time

would surely feel

#10

and i have never felt fireworks

when kissing someone before

even the girl i thought i was gonna marry

and i’m not so young now

and a little bit more cynical

but i wanna feel those fireworks with you

and i still haven’t texted you

and i don’t know if i will

and i don’t know if i should

and i am sorry for being like this