Wish I had something nice for you...

I wish I had
Something nice to write.
A happy thought,
Maybe two,
Something special for you.

I have some friends,
I have a guy,
My parents are together,
And I'm alive.
So why am I so down?..

It's hard to say...
I have these thoughts
That plague my mind,
Nearly every day
And they are far from kind.

I did something once,
Without knowing...
What doing it once would do...
So day by day,
I find a way.

I have my friends,
I have my guy,
I have my family.
They are what keep me alive,
And I am grateful.

I know I have a purpose
And I try to help,
But these inner demons
Make it hard
To do what I need to do.

So I would write a happy poem,
But no words come to mind
When those awful thoughts
Always find me when I hide
Even when I say:

Go away.