careless

Dear everyone,
I did everything you asked
I straightened my hair
I lost some weight

I didn't even complain

Even when I was called entitled
Even when I was called an inconsiderate brat

I kept my opinions to myself
Just like you asked me to

I talked to my dad like you wanted me to
No matter how bad it hurts
No matter how bad anything hurts
I shut up like you told me to

I rolled with it like you told me to
I did all that you wanted me to do

But I can hear you talking about me
On the phone
Late at night
Saying stuff I don't like

I guess I'm just paying the price of growing up in a judgmental family
Where being a teenager is not an excuse for mood swings
Where it's okay to take your anger out on your kid but your kid should never bark back
Where your kid is always told to roll with it
Or to deal with it later
Where everyone forgets that later is a relative term

Your kid should never run in the house, tell your kid to stop being so careless
It is okay to ignore your kid
You're not being careless, you're just not a perfect parent

In judgmental families, everything is a contradiction.
Double standards are necessary here

I am a kid
Growing up in a judgemental family who remind me not to speak unless spoken to
Never step out of line

That line is so easy to fall off of
Only to shut down
Shut out the cruelty
That never sounded so bad

I'm just a kid.
I'm not perfect.
Growing up, I was taught not to be so careless.
The older I got, the more judgement I received, I realized that being careless is what adults do.
Like, smoking, drinking and driving
That is what adults do

Adults get to be careless
To kids
To other adults
To family
When you grow up in a judgmental family
You learn to only care about yourself.