hold (me) tight

queer-with-a-pen



#1

i remember being a little girl

and holding my friend's hand

who was also a girl

and nobody even gave it a second thought

 

because the kissing cheeks and

lips but only on a dare

were just us being kids

 

and even when i wanted

to hold the pretty girl’s hand

who sat next to me on the bus

it wasn’t a big deal

because we were

just friends

just kids

 

#2

i remember being scared

because i wanted to marry

my girl friends

and live in a big house

with dogs and window seats

 

but still this wasn’t

a big deal or something to make

a fuss about

because i was still just a kid

 

nevermind the fact that

i was 12 and then 13

and i had kissed my first girlfriend

in the middle of the street

on a halloween night

 

and when the lady answered

the door she smiled when she

saw us holding hands

because my costume made

me look like a boy

 

and the candy sank like a rock

into my guts while my heart

made its home in my mouth

and when my girlfriend asked

me to come and cuddle with her

early that next morning

i rolled over and pretended to still be

sleeping

 

#3

i remember being a lesbian

meeting my girlfriend

at the mall

and she took my hand immediately

and told me that she wasn’t going

to be scared of doing that in public

 

and i fell in love with her

the first time i heard her voice

over the phone and through

the grainy webcam on my crappy laptop

and every time her name popped up

on my phone screen

i loved her even more

 

#4

i remember being a high school freshman

being called a dyke

and a lesbo

and a faggot

because of my haircut

and the way that i dressed

 

and when my bestfriend left

because of the bullying

i felt so alone and afraid

 

because i was surrounded

by couples that were socially acceptable

since they were a boy and a girl

and i hated their ability

to hold hands and kiss in public without

being bullied

being beaten up

being kicked out by their parents

and being killed

 

#5

i remember the first crush

i had on a boy as a boy myself

and it was exhilarating and terrifying

because i was social suicide

being queer and transgender

 

nevermind that i could write poetry

or sew buttons onto pants

or paint

or draw

or cook

or bake

or anything else

 

because my liking boys

and girls and people who

were both or neither or somewhere in-between

wasn’t cute anymore

since i was grown up

 

it made me a target

a big red X painted on my back

and to some it made me less than human

because loving who i did

made me a sinner

 

#6

i remember holding my boyfriend's hand

at school and how ashamed i felt

because of my palms sweating so much

and how afraid i felt

 

but i also remember how freeing it was

and how i almost cried the first time

he kissed me on the cheek

 

and i know my girl-self

who was so afraid and angry and sad

would be proud of me

because i hold nothing back now

and i don’t let that fear show

because loving who i love

and holding the hands of boys or girls

or people that don’t conform to either one

does not make me bad

 

it makes me brave

it makes you brave

it makes us brave

  • Author: Boaz Priestly (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: August 14th, 2017 23:31
  • Category: Love
  • Views: 94
  • User favorite of this poem: Aislinn Wilson.
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Comments4

  • Frank Prem

    Fine exploration here, Q. Good work, I think.

    • queer-with-a-pen

      Thank you. That means a lot.

      • Frank Prem

        You're welcome. The piece tells a story, takes the reader on a journey, and makes a contemporary experience accessible to those of us who are no longer quite so contemporary as we might imagine (that would be me, of course).

        Anyway, keep it up.

      • FredPeyer

        Boaz, a very well written poem with an important message. Would be nice to have this one posted in the New Yorker or some other influental newspaper. It really brings home the point that we have to be more accepting of the differences in all of us. My wife is Chinese, and in the little village in Switzerland where I grew up, at that time they looked at her as if she was an alien.

        • queer-with-a-pen

          In the New Yorker! Oh, that is a compliment. Thank you.

        • Aislinn Wilson

          I really love the nod to the nonbinary nature of people as a whole, and this is overall so well written and honest. I think that this is something that a lot of cisgender straight people will never fully understand, but I hope they'll try.
          It doesn't make me miss highschool, that's for sure.

        • queer-with-a-pen

          Thank you so saying so many nice things about my writing! And yeah, if you’re anything but white and cis/het, high school was hell. I’m so glad I’m in college now.



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