Cause/Effect

I pull her picture from my pocket.

The crease down the middle now resembles more than that of a fold.

I lie it face up on the bar, as I lie face down. "It's ok to cry." I tell myself as my

lips quiver and chest tightens.

I lift my head, and hold it up just long enough for one last drink.

Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, I walk out of the dark, musty,

temporary solution of a building.

I sit in my car as I try to focus through the wall of tears building up in my eyes.

A slow blink clears them from my vision and forces them to cascade

down my cheek.

I turn the key and start to drive, onward to see my babies. It's been so long since I've seen my Angels. My Happiness.

Their smiling faces bring on more tears.

Yellow lines becoming blurry and entangled.

I feel the rapid beats of my heart. A feeling so vivid, it feels as if it's shaking the car.

The approaching lights on either side haunt me, coming in

pairs, mimicking every mistake I've made.

Then I see it. The light I was promised. Just drive through it and peace awaits.

I will be reunited with my family and happiness will ensue.

Then sudden darkness.

I struggle to open my eyes. When I regain focus, I see my family. Leaning over me, their hands on my shoulder.

Why are they not happy? Why are they crying?

I sit up, walk around, but they are not following.

"Guys, Daddy's here, come give me a hug." They don't come.

Instead their faces are buried into the shoulders of their mother.

"Please, let me hold them, I love them, I love them, please." I beg, but my cries fall upon deaf ears.

My knees buckle as I begin to cry. No tears fall. No one hears me.

I walk back to my family, over the crowded shoulders I see.

I see myself, what's left of me, anyway.

This can't be. I am me. I'm here. But I'm not.

My legs, my arms, becoming more transparent.

As I'm disappearing, reality sets in, I am never going to see my family again.