Tears For Proof

I said I wouldn't let you break me, but I'm broke. I have taken the time to love your mother, love your daughter, love you and it's all taken for a joke. The amount of energy you put into pushing me out is crazy, the humiliation, disrespect, unloyalty, is what breaks me. I see why I never invested time in a nigga, it ain't worth it. Just to cry every other day, not putting all the blame on you but you broke it. I dread the day a tear fails to fall out my face because then I know it's my heart and mind pushing you out of that space. I've lived my life cold most men called me bitter, any woman would applaud me cause I was just like a nigga. Why have me tear down that wall, asking me to meet you half way if you were just going to leave me in the middle, they say it pours when it rains. Did you ever love me is something I can't answer truthfully but when that hate is in your eyes, I can feel it burning profusely. When someone can validate your hate but can't validate your love, that might be a tell tell sign the relationship is done. Rules like 50/50, 80/20, it's all bullshit, a nigga can have a diamond and still treat it like it's shit. But I'm supposed to sit back and take all these apologies, funny. Listening to some shit you don't mean, what you think? My eyes gon get runny? My heart is stiffening up cause what you fail to realize, last night when you hurt me, those tears I needed for proof, never fell out my eyes. What does this mean for me...well for us, I don't know, looking back, I was an open book and your book stayed closed. We've played this game before and you're up 1, you winning, but shit months later who's trying to revert back to the way things were in the  beginning. A never ending cycle and a game of cat and mouse, I stayed in that hole with you, when i couldve just dug myself out. I could've saved my own self, left your ass there to rot, people warned me on a daily to get myself out.  But that's my own fault I thought I knew what you were about. I'm not victimizing myself, not looking for any token, I'm just explaining to you how you made a woman thats strong, become a woman that's broken. A woman once hopeful now a woman with no trust, a woman that once loved you now looks at you with disgust... Not that any of it matters because your feelings don't exist, unless you're showing hatred, you're mad or you're feeling pissed. Of all the times you hurt me, disrespected me, and lied, I really wish tonight I couldve laid down and cried...