Looking out from my window pane,
I see the street, and the trees.
I can just hear the rain.
In the distance a man fell to his knees.
Was it pain that he was feeling?
I could not help but wonder
Is this man actually kneeling
Praying for the sound of thunder?
The man got up and started walking
Close towards the dark abyss.
Could I hear someone talking?
Or was that just a hiss?
He ventured into the dark alone,
Still his name is unknown.
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Author:
roseintime18 (
Offline) - Published: September 8th, 2017 21:07
- Comment from author about the poem: Just started writing again after four years.. Please give constructive criticism feedback. Tell me if you like it.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 45
Offline)
Comments2
I'm all for praying people...I count fourteen lines, the traditional number of lines for a sonnet. Your rhyme scheme (ababcdcdefefgg) is new to me but I'm new to poetry. I don't believe in a rating system - maybe in a classroom - but not here. I used it just once to gently give a guy a taste of his own medicine (call it a fraternal correction if you will). This one seems to come from your heart and is part of getting your voice back. Welcome back.
Thank you, I am trying to get my voice back. I haven't wrote poetry in three years. Agree, rating system is not a good choice, so I deleted it.
Nice sonnet. Leaves me wondering about this mysterious person. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you.
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