Inflatable Irene

Viv Wade


I’m Inflatable Irene, your blow-up girlfriend.

I am here when you need me, weekday or weekend.

I don’t need gifts, or flowers, or candlelit meals,

And I’ll never be taller than you in high heels.


I’m Inflatable Irene, your rubber romance.

I can make you so happy, just give me a chance.

I will never get fat round the thighs, or the rump,

Unless you go too far with the bicycle pump.


I’m Inflatable Irene, your PVC peach.

I’m not out of your league, I am within your reach.

I will never grow old, I won’t let myself go.

If you’d like my boobs bigger, just give them a blow.


I’m Inflatable Irene, your plastic princess.

I will wear what you like, lingerie or a dress.

I will never be moody, I won’t slap your face.

When you go on vacation, I’ll fit in your case.


I’m Inflatable Irene, your babe-shaped balloon.

I won’t mind if you don’t want to cuddle, or spoon.

I will never stop loving you, I’ll always care.

I won’t tell you you’re too fat, or laugh at your hair.


I’m Inflatable Irene, your air-filled air-head.

If you are feeling frisky, just take me to bed.

I won’t be disappointed, no matter how quick.

You don’t need to be gentle, my rubber’s quite thick.


I’m Inflatable Irene, your polythene pal.

Whatever you’re into, I am your kinda gal.

When you’re bored of me, kill me - a knife through my heart.

I won’t cry out for help, I’ll just give one long fart…

  • Author: Viv Wade (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 9th, 2017 09:10
  • Comment from author about the poem: I saw a TV documentary a while back, about men who had blow-up dolls as companions. They treated them like real women, they dressed them up, and even took them out on dates. I don’t know if it was because they couldn’t find a real woman, or they just thought a plastic one would be easier to live with! It inspired me to write this poem…
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 29
  • User favorite of this poem: dusk arising.


  • orchidee

    Ohhh lol, have to swoon at this! heehee. What would I know about Irene? Should I meet her?!

    • Viv Wade

      Well, some men may think she's the ideal woman! πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading, Orchidee.

    • Nicholas Browning

      I knew what this was going to be about before I even read it, haha.
      Good one.

      • Viv Wade

        Thanks Nicholas, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. πŸ™‚

      • dusk arising

        You're my kinda poet.... a demonstrably wicked sense of humour. Mate of mine took Irene back to the shop for a refund cos she leaked 'if i'd known she was gonna go down onya i would have charged you an extra twenty" said the sex shop manager.
        Excellent piece. goes into my favourites

        • Viv Wade

          Ha ha, the old jokes are the best! πŸ™‚ Thanks, Dusk, I'm glad someone appreciates my wicked side! πŸ˜‰

        • w c

          ViV, you have amazing talent. I couldn't help but laugh! Please continue to publish here!

          • Viv Wade

            Thanks Wayne! I recently entered this poem in a humorous poetry contest, and it didn't win anything, not even an honourable mention πŸ™ so it's good to know that it made you laugh - my self-confidence has been restored! πŸ™‚

          • Neville

            that's my gall..... made me laugh out loud.... cheers

            • Viv Wade

              Thanks Neville, I'm glad I gave you a giggle! πŸ™‚

              • Neville

                my giggly pleasure ...

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