i\\\'m sorry

i'm sorry
what did you first think of?
your own fumbled words in the hysteria of summer heat at 3 am?
or maybe you thought of tears, boulders that pull you down to your hair dye stained pillow for the 3rd night this week?

i'm sorry means i can't breathe
i can't breathe means that the ceiling stole my lungs,
my own words crushing my windpipe until i speak no more

i'm sorry means stop staring
not you, the pile of laundry in the corner
the pile that towers over me, stares me down, and whispers
" make yourself smaller "

or maybe i'm sorry is a flag that i fly
that signals to come close but not too close
like construction that you have to drive around and take the long way home for

construction is i'm healing
healing is i'm growing
growing is i'm trying

i'm trying is i'm sorry