Valkyrie

"What is a battlefield, but a body?" 

I'm empty empty empty
Every night I dream of silence- 
there is freedom in silence, 
there is solace in silence. 
I am not silent. 
My heartbeat echoes in my ears like a war drum
and my bones crack and shake. 
I am noisy, 
so I dream of spilling my blood
and draining my insides out
until I am silent. 

Never satisfied, never complete. 
I see my broken pieces and add them to the puzzle. 

Yes, what is my body but a battlefield? 
Paint my lips in the blood shed between warriors, 
turn them to rose blossoms the color of lusting rage. 
Scar my ankles with the blades of a racing bike, 
fight till you black out every night. 
Wrap roses around my hips, 
their thorns bite into my skin. 
Strip my bones till they're bare
and cover them in lily-soft rain. 

"Swallow all those pills, listen to the doctor's every word,
but don't you worry, sweetheart, you can't get rid of me that easily. 
I'm that much stronger than you. 
Listen to your therapist, spill out all your guts, 
I'll fill the empty space for you. 
Don't you worry, sweetheart. 
I'll take care of you. 
I won't let go, 
you can't get rid of me. 
I'm in your rattled bones, 
I'm in your springtime lungs (I'll turn them winter)
I'm in your tempestuous fire-eyes (I'll turn them tame)
I'm inside every cell
every muscle
every bone
every organ
every heartbeat. 

Black-cherry-bitter, I'm a war, I'm a pestilence, a plague. 
I sink into the damp earth of your body
and whither the flowers of your skin. 
Do you hear me?! I am winter I am death I am pestilence!
I creep up your fingertips like frostbite 
and chase away your warmth." 

My mind is full of your pestilence and filth, 
your poison and plague.
It is never empty
even though my blood feels like air
and my muscles feel withered away. 
My bones are hollow bird bones
fragile so fragile, careful or you'll break them
and my skin is translucent-
watch my heart beat molten gold, 
watch flowers blossom in my lungs, 
filling them till I can't breathe. 
Watch glass get lodged in my gut
and bullets shatter my stomach. 
Watch my insides burn from the match I swallowed. 

Let me tell you something, sweetheart. 
You may be winter and ice, 
you may be poison and death, 
you may be plague and war and pestilence, 
but I am thunderbird and lightning wolf, 
I am blackberry-persistent and dream-bright, 
I am dragon-fire and my softness is not weakness. 

So trace the invisible bruises in my mind
and watch me learn to heal them all on my own. 
Ghost your burning hot fingers across my frost white ribs
and sear your fingerprints into my fossils. 
I will wear your marks like the battle scars they are. 
Watch me pluck my brittle spine
and teach it how to bloom. 
Watch me coax my shoulder blades from beneath my skin
and help them grow silver wings with knife-sharp edges. 
Watch me tear out my eyes
and replace them with moonlight. 

You forget, I am the daughter of two kings, not one. 
I am sunshine and moonlight, 
but I am also tempest and hurricane, 
I am wildfire and winter blizzard. 

The red on my lips isn't wine. 
Don't think that just because you spread beneath my cherry-earth, 
your copper blood won't slick my teeth too. 
Don't think that just because you love me, 
you're safe. 
After all, why would a she-wolf settle for anything less than blood?