west coast angel

find me on the edge of nothing
i'm at the west coast, 
damp sand between my toes. 
the sea greets the coast
like a lover it hasn't seen in centuries.
the salty spray solidifies into droplets
that fall damp upon my face. 

before i was bones, 
before i was skin and muscles and flesh, 
before i was fingers on a keyboard
and lips curling up to show bone white teeth, 
before i was hair tied back, fly-aways framing my face
and a stick of mauve paint gliding onto my lips, 
before i was a fiery warmth curling up my spine
and hands tracing over a well-worn page of my favorite book-
before i was isabelle, 
before all of that, 
i was the same water that beats rocks to rubble
and embraces ships to sink. 
i was a white dwarf star, 
hydrogen atoms colliding and igniting. 
i was the soft clinking of ice cubes
in a glass of amber whiskey, 
i was clouds of smoke drifting up
from a discarded cigarette. 

once, on the edge of something, 
i met a girl with cherry eyes. 
she was the kind of girl
who stopped to smile at 
plants growing in the cracks of sidewalks. 
sometimes, i wished she'd smile at me like that. 

once, on the edge of something, 
i met a boy with a dying city in his eyes. 
he was the kind of boy
who laughed so hard he snorted. 
i always thought it was the prettiest sound. 

once, on the edge of something, 
i met a girl with eyes warm like hot chocolate. 
she was the kind of girl
who rambled so passionately about the things she loved. 
it was wondrous to listen to, and i always did. 

once, on the edge of something, 
i met a boy with dragon-fire eyes. 
he was the kind of boy
who complimented others randomly just to see them smile. 
i think it was then i fell in love with chaos. 

once, on the edge of something, 
i thought i saw myself. 

i'm falling off the edge of nothing. 
don't you worry, 
my wings will catch me. 
they're made of glass and fire. 
my shoulder blades scream
as feathers burst from beneath skin. 
divinity blossoms in my blood
but i'm no goddess. 

i belong to the shades of grey, 
i am the salt spray of the icy ocean, 
i am the dolphins, 
the tide pools, 
the sand dollars and the seagulls.
i'm the marina trench and the rocky mountains
and everything in between. 
i'm a west coast angel
with nothing to lose
and nothing to gain.