My Story of Addiction Part 1

Welcome to this secret life that they call addiction; welcome yourself to self demolition. Crystal meth has just claimed you as her newest addiction. The first thing your told on this highway to death, is that this drug is no biggie... It's just like the rest. If that made you think twice your starting to fail the test. When you decide to let down your guard, then starts the game of cards, some call it war, between you & a shard. She takes some lives quickly, she takes some lives slower, if you decide to follow with her your hopes & your dreams will melt slowly but surely like snow... lets see how low your life is willing to go. How was your first time, was it all you expected? Did she take away the pain, like you suspected? I bet you feel great but a little self disrespected. Did someone roll you a pipe, or chop you a line? I'm willing to bet they couldn't hide their excitement that it was your very first time. she shows up when your vulnerable, pretending to comfort your mind. You feel invincible, you cant be touched, where has she been all my life? One or two more times for fun is a must. You are now crippled, can you live with this crutch? The same time your expecting that same exact high, that's where Crystal begins to eat you alive, will you fall victim to her sweet lustful lies? She'll take you to places you could surely never reach, you'll learn more about her the longer you stay in the streets, she promises to have you stuck to this life like a leach. Your days will get longer & your mind will start making less than no sense, your body will start to get more & more tense, the next thing you know shes built around you like a privacy fence. You can't feel her tightening her grip on your soul, the more life began to take a toll, the more you began to feel that pipe roll. You've stayed up longer than you realized, it has been days... Killing yourself in multiple ways, you've finally found what your escape, hoping she will never go away. Can you not tell that your body is weak? Or are you to busy chasing the numb feeling you seek? You better be careful... Your secret is dying to leak. She'll only stay silent, keeping your secret hidden for so long, your parents are now questioning where it is that they went wrong.. but your just getting comfortable, you feel right where you belong. You've come to find your laugh isn't the same, the normal things about life are becoming more & more lame, your twisted, sick thoughts are becoming impossible to tame. Of course you'll over look each & all of her flaws, you don't seem to notice the constant pain in your jaws, or the fact its been hours & your still staring at the same walls. You began to adapt to her suffering ways, you cant seem to sleep.. You haven't eaten in days. You feel like your stuck in some sort of self destructing maze. Everyone now approaches you as if your someone new, you don't realize that they notice your change more than you, they see every detail in every thing that you do. The person you once were you might as well kiss goodbye, your nothing in life so why even try? The only thing your good at anymore is getting high.Your starting to question more & more the way that you feel, wondering why her promises are not staying fulfilled, you cant believe what life has trying to been to tell you is so real. As time goes by your bond grows stronger, your starting to hate her so why do you still want her? This fucked up lifestyle is getting longer & longer. Remember those jeans that once fit so tight? They wouldn't even button, without you putting up a fight? There is no way they are now baggy, did this happen over night? She's showing no mercy, she has no reason to play fair, when your literally so tired you can feel it in your hair, sitting in the shower in tears feeling more than you can bare. You look in the mirror & try to notice something familiar, but all you see is Crystal, your serial killer. You've only now noticed whats become of yourself, realizing how you have destroyed your own health, how come it took this long to feel this pain that you felt? They call you a tweaker, your mind becomes weaker, one last way to handle this: let's keep digging deeper. Once the pipe & a hot rail became not enough to use, you broke the last promise to yourself, whats possibly left to lose? That needle fir your skin like a pair of new shoes. Once you realized there was no turning back, Crystal picked back up what she was beginning to lack, you start filling your veins with the remains of a sack. Yes i am breathing but i'm far from alive, I've neglected myself & wear a terrible disguise. The worst has now come, full blown addiction has arrived. I used to would have killed to be by your side, now I'd kill myself to jump off this ride, what can I do for myself when I dont know how to try? I wish our memories could be deleted, you took all of me I felt so fucking cheated, you stomp me into the ground now I am completely defeated. Now missing you feels like i'm missing someone who's dead, but I cant forget you, Crystal, your forever in my head... PS... the mental visits are no longer necessary, im supposed to feel feel safe in my sleep, in my bed. If you cannot relate you get all of my praise, i'm the only one to blame this was not how I was raised, I watched my father make the same bed I just made. I wish I could have created these words in my head so I could take back the madness that you have just read, but my past is my past & whats done is done, one that that I've learned is fight your battles, dont run. Someone will always be better, someone will always be bolder, but I just want to be myself... I just want to be sober.