My Story of Addiction Part 2

Which is colder, your pockets or your heart? You know where it ends, but do you remember how it start? Were you ready to give up everything you were givin? To start living the life you never dreamed you'd be livin? Do you wish you knew then what you know feel? Did you ever step back & think about how? Yeah you can flip, but you better not fold, welcome to a world where drugs aren't the only things sold. Family becomes distant, customers are persistent. You only get older as the game becomes colder (vice versa) Life as you know it has officially changed, your whole way of thinking completely rearranged. "it's just this one time" turns into "just one more line" Remember all those junkies that you gossiped about? Now you find yourself on the same exact route. You used to make fun of their eyes now days that's the main thing your trying to hide. It's 4 am & your still awake? Thinking about life & how much more demons I can take. It's been a few days & you still can't sleep, life has became stuck on repeat... You talked shit about people on dope, now the shit you talked is the only way you can cope. Remember the first line you put up your nose? Remember the first 8 ball that you weighed up & sold? It felt just right as that first pipe that you rolled. You thought you were big dog, you can't be stopped, this is the life, your living on top. The money came fast but the problems came quicker... sadly you can't notice yourself getting sicker & sicker. Your stomach sinking in, matching your face.. there's no slowing down, your all about the chase. Food & water is the last thing on your mind, but it's been days since you've eaten, is that not a sign? Have you thought about maybe slowing down? Momma did you hear that? What is that sound? You stay awake for one night & one night turns to three, now your scared trying not to focus on the crazy things that you see. There's something thrilling about living life fast.. you've never experienced such a rush in the past. Are you not ready to lay down & rest? You shake away the thought like there is no pain in your chest. You think nobody notices what your denying inside? You don't realize your loved ones are watching you die. What's your true opinion of yourself when you look in the mirror? Who is that girl? The self hate that you have becoming clearer & clearer. You made a promise to yourself that you'd never do a do a shot, now your tearing up feeling guilty trying to cover up the knots. Your hands steady shaking while you push in that syringe, praying not to miss as your body starts to cringe... one day you will question all the wasted time that you spent. When your life becomes nothing but feeling that high, you can kiss what normal things you have left in life goodbye. It feels like the worlds against you, no ones on your team. The only thing they wanna know is "did you get clean?" Shoutout to the REAL friends & my mom that never left me a alone... through my sobriety & relapses y'all made me more strong. Your mad at the world, looking for someone to blame, can you not tell that you did this, you drove your own self insane? They're always gonna judge you, they're always gonna talk. But the road to sobriety is like relearning to walk. An addict is selfish, an addict doesn't care, but I sadly don't notice anything except that bag that you'll share. Are you not tired of living this way? Hurting inside because I can't process your question, not even the day. Did you know that there are people who love you, people praying for you to stop? Neither did I it kinda came as a shock. Trying to remember the life before the drugs is like expecting your first kiss & receiving a hug. Did you find what it was exactly you were looking for? Or did addiction find you, like lost child in a store?