Even Kurt Cobain is Crying Your Name

"I'm a lover not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love"

a cliché we've all heard,

but that leaves me wondering,

What am I supposed to do when I love you?

when I love you and I have no will to fight for you,

because fighting for you would be fighting with you,

and fighting with you wouldn't show love.

because if I fight to keep you in my life,

it comes off as 'clingy' and 'dramatic'

which will just open more wars,

and before I know it you've shot me, I have a hole in chest, and you're not here.

then I start fighting myself.

trying to remind my self 
"love, love, LOVE"

but all the passion in my body flooded out with the blood,

from the open wound you deserted me with.

so, I put on a record,

music always made me feel better.

but I couldn't help but grab the vinyl you bought me last Christmas,

and instead of hearing music,

I just hear Kurt Cobain crying out your name.

and soon I am too.

so, I clean myself up and go to town,

shopping always distracts me.

but I just so happened to walk into the store you bag at,

and I see you with you buddies,

you're smiling.

you're laughing.

and for a quarter second,

seeing your smile brings me back to the late nights,

when you'd give me your hand,

so we can dance to theme music at the end of the movie.

And in that moment the corners of my lips feel a turn for the first time in weeks,

but then I remember,

that'll never happen again.

so I run back home and I start to clean,

cleaning always calmed me down.

but I find a dried rose hidden in my closet,

and I smell it,

and I know this is crazy,

but I swear it smelt of your cologne.

I remembered how you'd randomly show up with flowers.

but I had to stop myself.

I want to crush that symbol of romance into a million pieces,

and put them all in an envelope to mail to you,

and maybe seeing all the pieces of our love will remind you why you chose me in the first place.

but, I don't.

Instead, I set off on a stroll,

You remember how long walks always helped me forget?

Well, this walk isn't that long because once I pass your house,

I see the path from the drive way to your front door,

And I recall you putting your arm out for me to link mine through,

Guiding me on the slick ice,

I see you opening the passenger seat door, for me.

but, that's not me anymore.

Finally, I go home and take a nap,

sleeping was all I could think of to take me away.

but before dozing off,

I can only hear the echo's of your voice singing a song over the phone before I fall asleep.

I can only hear you going on about your day and how beautiful you think I am,

and once I get to sleep,

my dreams only replay the ones we made together.

our dreams...

and pretty soon my friend has to shake me awake because these tears won't stop, I'm clamy and I'm screaming.

so I take a bath,

baths always gave me serenity.

And once the waters to the top and I'm covered in suds,

I can see you in the bathroom,

playing with the bubbles on my thighs.

and I snap myself out of it.

I realize all the things that used to make me happy or content,

leave me empty after you tore through me.

so I think about this,

and I see a razor on the edge of the tub, where you always sat,

Maybe it'll take a kind of pain to not remind me of you.