The Flip side?

I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I know how to swim and my body just won't cooperate. I feel like I'm reaching out for help but I'm just beneath the surface of the black water so no one actually sees me; no one actually notices that I am drowning...right in front of them.

I feel like I am wearing a mask. A mask of my own smiling face. A mask so perfectly sculpted that those around me just think that it's my face; that it's just me. I feel like when I say, "I'm having a hard time", those around me look into my face... the perfectly sculpted, smiling face of mine; the mask... they look, and all they see is the smile... no one looks past the smile...no one looks at my eyes...no one sees... My soul is breaking. My will is breaking. I am numb. I am struggling. Look into my eyes!! "You have such a beautiful smile!"

I feel like I am watching myself through plate glass. Like the animals at the zoo. I feel like I am in a cage; like my body is a prison. I thought doing things would set me free; open the cage door... but doings things just opens a window to let in a breath of fresh air. The window is too high to reach, and too small to escape through. So here I sit...in my cage...watching as life passes me by.