smile

I pick up the pages,I pick up the words,I pick up my pieces,I don't know why when I know you'll just throw them out again.I look deep inside of me only to find nothing no heart,no soul,they ask me why do I always nod and smile holding the tears back to only stay calm,what happened to us what happened to what we used to be.I hate you but I thank you.When people say  I'll fail,I think of you and never give up.I'm stronger now but,why do i still feel so broken it's as if you left and came back a whole different person.Why do I feel so reluctant to tell people the way I feel maybe its because,I lack the love of a father or the tears of a brother and a sisters heart,or a mothers broken smile.For some reason I keep going back hoping that you will change but,I guess most people are stuck in their own ways and,they'll never change.A good life,a good job,a good house,a good car and good money but,that's not for me I'll i wanted was to smile but you stole that too.