W&A

"The hardest part is when I think about who is dear to my heart there are very few... but your face blast through my mind like a fierce burning light that won't go dim,
I tried forcing myself to migrate away from you because my heart weighs heavy and my tears fall silently into the background because I hide the pain.
I fear you seeing my pain and that will leave me completely open to you and you will see my naked truth so I shield you and myself from it because that leaves me completely vulnerable and the eyes of you and like so many times before you push that away (me away).
To let the only man that I truly love seeing me like that not knowing whether he'll stay and hold me or push me away again.
The only difference is this time I'm at my weakest and it would only hurt me even more than you already have, you're scared of us you say? You say you love me but you're not ready for me is like a knife jabbed in my heart yet again.
You left me that night again, looking for the company of another when she was seeking the company of another as well.
When I say I love you it's real it's not the storybook love that you so eagerly desire, but it's the kind that will be there for you when you're sick or you're hurt and you're upset and you need your best friend to listen the kind that is selfless the one that will ride or die, even when you drive me insane and push me away that will be there when you're not mad anymore.
It's Flawless and it's because it's patient and true when you wake up angry and sick of the world's bullshit I will look into your eyes like I have before and you will still remain perfect to me because that's the kind of love that is real.
I wish this kind of pain is something that I could switch off but I've loved you since day one!
Seeing you happy with her and not me is more painful than you'll ever know, I see your smile and it melts my heart it makes me happy that you're happy I also fear in this as I watch you dance away in the arms of her I realized you fear us and I can't wait for you anymore to realize this.
My health isn't the greatest so maybe this is a sign from God that we can love so strongly but he's made us go separate ways because of this although my time on this Earth maybe shorter than yours again love is selfless
I don't want you to worry about me.. you deserve to be nothing but happy and even if I only get you for a few years it was worth every minute and every second and I wouldn't change it because it was real.
I wanted to grow old with you I want a lot of things with you... But I guess you'll never truly know.
If this letter ever makes it to you don't take my words lightly, you should know that I love you and I wanted always be with you my love !
You should go have a family and have kids and get married my love I will wish you all the happiness in the whole world my dear best friend but I'm going to do it from afar.
I cannot reach out to you again my willpower is not as strong as it used to be in my heart retrax out of fear that this letter will make us or break us.
If I never see or hear from you ever again just know that I will always love you
Love always your best friend Angie