Depression

I pray and I wait for someone to see me,
But your eyes, they just look right through me.
And my words unspoken will tear me apart,
‘Cause I want to say something,
    But i just     can’t      get them     
        Out.

Every touch sends a shiver down my spine;
Not a joyous gain,
But the expectance of pain.
Because I remember someone else who touched me this way,
Not out of love or respect,
But out of disdain, and I regret
    That I can’t tell you how I feel,
    Or how to help,
Because I don’t know myself,
I Am a Stranger.

So I lock it all away and put on a mask,
So you don’t have to see what I feel,
It’s all just a mess.
My pain is my own and I don’t want to share it.
Don’t want you to hurt, or fear what may never come,
But I do
    I do, though it makes no sense,
    But that’s just how it is.

So no longer will I wear my heart on my sleeve,
But in a cage way down in the see,
‘Cause I already feel like I’m drowning,
And this, just, fits me.
So I sit in the dark where the light never reaches,
    Where the light never reaches,

And when I try to escape, it hunts me,
There are eyes in the dark that only I see.
And they chase me and hound me,
They close in around me.
I turn to the left and to the right,
But the only way out is to turn round and fight.

So I reach for a sword, but find only a blade,
It won’t hurt them, but it might hurt me,
    If I give it the power,
    If I just give in,
Maybe if I surrender I can finally win,
        I Can End This.
So I press the cold blade to my skin,
And I say to myself:
“So, this is how it begins”

Depression.
It’s a special kind of pain,
The kind that drags us in, while we push others away.

If my body was broken,
Then you’d rush to my side,
But because it’s my spirit,
You just try to hide.
You don’t want to see something,
That you know you can’t fix,
So you try to pretend that it doesn’t exist.

But it does,
And I know it,
And I feel it’s dark grip.
It’s the hand at my throat,
It’s a knife at my back,
It’s that thing that watches every single step I take.

Doesn’t let me go,
Doesn’t let me forget,
‘Cause it’s there every day,
Finding new ways to hurt me,
And pull me away.

So when I push you away,
Know that I need you to stay,
To stay and to fight with me.
I don’t care what you do,
What you say,
Just say.

You just have to sit,
Just have to be near me,
Hold my hand,
And please don’t fear me,
Don’t fear my pain.
Because I can do that on my own,
I need you to be strong,
Need you to tell me to hold on.

‘Cause I’m slipping away and I’m crying out,
Won’t you stop for a second, and just hear me out.