One

I gave up because I’d given in-
Because I knew it didn’t matter.
Nothing matters-
The worrying
The checking
The internet searching
Where did it get me?
To a really dark place.
Where you see things that aren’t there
And your perception’s synonymous with your reality-
Every black speck is just another bug to eat you alive
And so you check for bites.
Then you check the sheets, the mattress, the box spring, checking until somehow a glimpse of reality shines through proving to be the only small chance you have at a normal few hours.
Forget few days-
You’re now a ticking time bomb until the next thought consumes you.
You try and prepare for what your mind has in store next, and so you spend those hours of mental clarity in fear.