Back to the beginning..

Way past midnight and you're here again, saying those words you know I long to hear, feeding my hunger. 
"I need you" 
We've been through this too many times now to know how it ends. 
I'm like ecstasis, your temporary drug to take your head away from what you really need. 
And I know well enough that that's not me no matter how much I want it to be. 
I may have your body but what I really need is your heart. 
I'm sick and tired of lying next to that empty carcass. 
That lifeless body drenched away from every emotion I'm thirsty for. 
Yet you look at me with those eyes and I know you really look through me. 
What hurts the most though is that you honestly think you need me. 
But I know better than that. 
In my opinion anyone would do. 
I just happened to be there. 
If I wasn't there at that time now you'd be in someone else's bed wrapping your arms around someone else's body and feeling just about the same. 
Funny how you don't even know what I like. 
If you did you would know how much I hate drinking coffee or how much I enjoy sleeping till noon. 
But even that little desire is driven away from me. 
Cause now I wake up at dawn when you close the door behind you, not even caring making a sound or if it affects me. 
And I end up looking at the side of the bed you were once lying and crying my heart out. 
And I think to myself "Who's really the empty one here?" 
And I start laughing like a maniac at how ironic life can be. 
Thinking having you would be the best and make me the happiest. 
And now that I've took a taste I feel so exhausted and seeking my way out. 
Maybe it's not entirely your fault, maybe, or more like definitely I'm also to blame here. 
If I've put some boundaries from the start maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand but it's already too late for that. 
So what I'm going to do is put an end instead. 
No more wake up calls, no more sleepless nights, no more crying. 
No more! 
I'm way too selfish to keep sharing you and maybe way too vulnerable to have you all to myself. 
Cause I'll always have doubts and you'll always be there to confirm them. 
So this is goodbye, I'd say for now at least but I'm sure it's gonna be permanent. 
Cause you're not gonna last long before going back to her, pouring your heart out and begging to take you back since you still love her. 
And maybe she does or maybe you choose to find another replacement. 
And maybe she is better at it than me. 
And next time I see you around I'm gonna put up my biggest and most fake for the matter smile even though you probably wouldn't even notice. 
And you'll be there laughing with your friends that smile that was the start of my problems and totally ignoring my existence. 
Just like we 're back at the beginning. 
And maybe just maybe it's better that way.