Indifference

Armageddon of the brain.

  Sitting here in my room... the television is on... my eyes are locked to it.  But I'm not watching it. I'm not blinking... why am I not blinking?

I love this movie... but it doesn't have my attention.   My thoughts are overpowering it.  I feel off.  But it's not troubling me.  Why is that? 1/3  I feel so old... yet I feel like I was 4 years old yesterday. Why does time feel so irreverent?  Every day that is not today feels like yesterday.  
I've put my brain through a beating, this I know.  I've had my share of troubles.. and my share of poor choices.. So why does it feel like something is missing... or like I've lost something mentally?  But at the same time I've never been so sure of myself as a person.   It's said that the brain is fully developed once you reach 1/3. That seems true..  I'm content with that.

But to contrast that I feel stale.. I feel seasoned.   Maybe it's because I've done some much so young.. being in the military and all.  Maybe it's because I have too much alone time.  (Sigh) ... I want to say this to someone,  but at the same time I could care less.. yet this is constantly on my mind.  Especially when I'm alone.   Total indifference. I wish I knew what to do.. But I could honestly care less.. strange.