Saima

All the Other Feelings With Love.

Let's start off with the excessive but admirable jealously over the smallest stuff

Endlessly imagining scenarios that will most likely not happen, wishing you could just drift off into a secretive sleep because I feel like I've had enough.

Don't get me wrong, it's charming to know they get jealous, they don't want to share you

But then again, when can you ever be sure, there's no one else, but you two?

What if you're getting jealous for no reason?

What if your alarming gut instinct is right?

Glaring at the ceiling for what seems like intolerable eternity

Asking myself, yet again, am I overthinking?

 

Now let's swiftly move along to the absolutely pestering paranoia, which is mostly unnecessary

Who are they with?

Where are they?

When will they be back?

Are they cheating?

This is the most cruelest one, it will drive you overly insane

But then again, perhaps it's all necessary?

Someone answer me then! Am I overthinking?

 

Now the upmost, stupidest one, self-admiring stubbornness, in other words, pretending you don't care but you really do

Believing you're both right, and it takes ages for any of you to come through.

Why don't they sort it out?

It's not my fault?

Why are they online but don't message?

What if they don't really care like you do?

But to be honest, you're both lying in bed, missing each other, going through the last upsetting conversation you had

OR

They just don't miss you or too busy talking with someone else

My heads painfully pounding from all the unanswered questions

Is all the worrying worth it, or do I have to face my gut instincts confessions?

I just want to know, am I overthinking!?

 

Quickly moving along to the most obvious one, hurt from everything else

Recently I've become aware of my uncommon worthiness and now I want the best for myself.

Sometimes I cluelessly wonder if Love is supposed to come along with Hurt?

Which is why I carefully watch out with my observable eye, like a hawk, and I'll always be unbrokenly alert.

Tapped out tears from the endured hurt because I guess I'm just too fucking sensitive

I swear I try my best and put a shielded mask on so, hopefully, I come across as insensitive.

Nothing is perfect, so maybe the hurt is normal? 

They probably don't care?

If they care, why would they hurt you?

Maybe they put up a shielded mask, just like mines?

Questions after questions, fearlessly speeding through the devillish red traffic light

I guess I am overthinking?

 

Finally, the one i truly despise, the exposed fear of being with them

I undoubtedly know I don't deserve a useless stone, because I deserve a precious gem.

Silenced at how scared I am of loving again, getting hurt again, getting left again, and getting attached again.

The thought of how scared I am gives me unpleasant heartache and chest pain.

Why am I so increasingly scared?

Why can't I stop the infuriating overthinking?

Why can't I forget the instructive past?

Well, I have no idea what the distressing future holds for me

I've uncomfortably realised I'll never know the truth and my heart and mind will always be lost at sea.

I'll never know the truth, I'll never know the lies

I'll never learn to fully trust or detect snake eyes.

Which is why I'll always doubt

I'll always ask endless questions

So, unfortunately, I'll always overthink and have extreme obsessions.

It's hard to tell the difference between reality and the fantasy land but whatever you do, make sure you don't blink.

 

Comments4

  • Mottakeenur Rehman

    Lovely!

    • Saima

      Thank you!

    • Hoopie

      U wrote a book lol nice write though

      • Saima

        Thanks

      • deepthoughts

        LOVE THIS!

        • Saima

          Thank you so much:)

        • germanamericanchurch

          Just add children into the mix
          Then cheating is a childs tragedy,
          Home wrecking, but control is for
          The retentive :) Expression and creativity set us free, sky dive like monkeys amazed



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