I don’t even know

I really don’t know what I’m doing anymore
My life is an emotional roller coaster sometimes making me sick to my core
You can’t begin to understand the bipolar plot life has shown me
Most days I want to give up and collapse to my knees
It’s rough, shit sucks,
Heartache everyday
The words in my head I can never say
I don’t wanna be strong
I feel like I’m doing this all wrong
Someone please just make it stop
I’m trapped, completely helpless
It’s like being paralyzed, in an empty world of nothingness
I just want to be happy, live a life full and true
And everyone walks around like they haven’t got a clue.
I just wanna end it, escape the pain I live everyday
I’m tired of these games I am forced to play.
If I say or do the right thing I am rewarded with love and kindness
One wrong move and I’m shunned into darkness
And I’m trapped there until I learn my lesson
My thoughts and feelings are not up for discussion
So I sit and play this game hoping I play my cards right
But watch out you cheat and it starts a fight.
And you know how fights go in games
Everyone starts gettin hatful even start calling names.
I’d rather not go through the hurt and the tears
See I’ve been doing this for many years.
You learn every trick, every right and wrong answer.
Hell, Can’t even get by with having cancer!
Sympathy card this, attention whore that
I’m tired of crying, over trying.
But I’ll keep on fighting. Cause that’s just who I am.
Sitting here in silence
I have nobody as an alliance.
I will go on a depressed mess
But life goes on... I guess


  • Christina8

    Oh great write but I feel for you! You have cancer and they tell you you're playing the sympathy card and calling you an attention whore? Oh goodness. I can relate on depression but not what you're going through. You are a brave woman!

    • lost-but-not-broken17

      Thank you so much. It’s a legit struggle everyday. Just gotta smile through the pain ☺️

    • myself and me

      "Keep on fighting", way to go my hero. One day you will beat it. Well expressed.

    • FredPeyer

      There is one alliance behind you, lost-but-not-broken: MPS!
      We all root for you, believe in you, and are your supportive alliance!!!

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