not gay as in happy

you killed all the

nice queer people and all

that’s left is me

with my shaking hands

and cracking voice

and fear giving way to anger

and a tiredness that nestles

ever deeper into my bones

and monday the 20th is

the 18th transgender day of remembrance

where the community mourns all

of its trans and nonbinary and genderfluid

and gender nonconforming siblings

because they were killed for

daring to be themselves

in a world that would rather

bury their dead sons and daughters

than have a child who changed their

name and gender marker

to the right ones

because being trans and queer

in a trump america

is an act of deviance and rebellion

where i could get beaten up for

using the mens room

and it would be my fault

because i am other

i am a freak

they do not understand me

and therefore that makes

me the enemy

but you have sat next to me

on the bus

in the movie theater

in the bathroom stall next to mine

while my anxiety mounted as

i waited for the bathroom to clear

out so i could leave safely

and i know when you look at me

you do not know what box

to force me into

and i want to know

you owe us all the answer

of how many more of our

siblings have to die before

you realize that we are people too

i am as human as you are

my correct hormones are just store-bought

and i had to claw my way into

the words of brother

and son

and nephew

and grandson

and boy boy boy

and male male male

but you have killed all the

nice queer people and all

you have left is me

and i am making my anger

into a louder voice

that will never be silenced

because you can cut out

my tongue and you can

take away my basic human rights

and you can even kill me

but the truth is that you will

always be more afraid of me

than i am of you

because while you kill

what you do not understand

i embrace it