Experiences

These many experiences so much lost and the regret

To push love past the point of a bet

Your love can’t compare nothing to the average

Too much on my mind, in my head I hold baggage

The thoughts of the first time I ever loved

The first time I truly used my heart

Broke me down to the bone, never knowing how to start

Never knowing how to explain, I didn’t know how to love

But for you I would never put no one above

How do I explain, a love that’s stronger than a friendship

A love that’s stronger than the love for someone so ordinary

Your love felt so magically, it was so imaginary

Never temporary, the thoughts of it forever lasting

To my heart I held the pain

But in my mind I felt the blasting

I felt the pain that I couldn’t imagine physically

Tell me what did I do for you to be so into me

What did you do for me to be so stuck on you

Just to lay, just to kiss, just the gentle feel of your lips

How the hell did I fall so hard with just one kiss

With just one time, just one night, just so many emotions gathered

But to get rid of your love my heart just shattered

This is beyond love, beyond lust, I was just stuck

To say that I love you and that you’ll never trust

My heart you couldn’t look into, you just didn’t see where you went wrong

I used to long for your love once again

Just to hear your voice on the phone

Life’s crazy and comes with so many things we don’t expect

I gave my whole life dedicated to you in return for nothing left

I had nothing left, I put everything on the line, just to get your heart back

Unable to breathe, unable to speak, much like a heart attack

Much like a heart ache, a tummy ache, it felt so heavy

My love so strong, the weakest moments made me feel so crazy

2 years of mourning, 2 years of wishing for better

The bruise struck me deep

Never thought I could get better

I never imagined the days where I could stop the insane thoughts

The insane placed my mind took me

Your love wrapped around my mind and hooked me

So much sympathy, felt like I loved you so much

Even when I wanted to let go it felt like my heart would crush

Now these thoughts seem to be a reminder, a reminder

Never to put your heart past the point of return

You get what you give, so I never got nothing in return

I gave you sadness with a mixture of only the things I knew

In my mind I loved you so much, but I never deserved you

It was too fast, the process should have been slower

The process should have been in steps

I felt sadder than I ever had when I had less

You felt so high up, you felt like someone only within dreams

And to realize even the greatest things aren’t as good as it seems

You can pretend to be happy but it’ll never compare to the true feeling

Your love brought me faith and all your heart needed was healing

So many apologies, so many things I told myself I would never say

But your love has too much of a hold on me

You told me you was here to stay

I thought that meant through whatever

I thought that was through the worst

But to realize you couldn’t stay if I did wrong and put you through a hurt

If I put you past your breaking point, then you could never return

And if I was to ever lose you, then I would finally learn

I would finally change my ways, that I would finally grow

And that I would eventually know how to love

But in order to get past the process, I had to feel the same hurt

The same crushed feeling

The same sad cries

To see how it felt to be fed all these lies

Karma comes and lessons are learned

If you do wrong, the process will be long learned

To fix your broken heart the love you will have to earn

And if I found your love I know it would be hard

I would never make my way in

Cause the thoughts that run through my head aren’t well thought out

I’m so wrapped up in so many memories, I don’t know how to think things out

I got to react the right way and from the past I can’t return back to you

If I would of waited instead of rushed

If I was to slow down and give you time

Things would have been better and I would never have to lie

Love is a strong feeling, it’s the hardest feeling to over come

No matter how much I say I’m done my heart will forever feel numb

So dumb to the fact that I didn’t know how to feel without your love

Not smart enough to move past and regain enough

I couldn’t stop the thoughts

I couldn’t stop my mind from wondering

In a soul so sacred, I always seemed to keep plundering

I didn’t know how to say the words without being so blunt

I didn’t know how to explain without being so open

Your love came with damage and I never seemed to consider that you wasn’t ready

You wasn’t ready to speak I just cared about one thing

The one thing you wasn’t sure about

The sex, was never my thoughts

Just to give you quality time and never over talk or pout

To move past, to stop being stubborn to realize I can’t just sit here and ruin

Told myself what the hell are you doing

Why won’t you let go, why are you so stuck in this phase

Just the thought of a possibility of your love I went straight for it

I went out of all means to achieve

But you had the opposite reaction, and told me to leave

You told me to just move on

And I thought maybe I could heal if I left you alone

I was too scared to let you go, too afraid of someone loving you better than I did

But the stingy thoughts put me in the mindset of a kid

It put me in the mindset to be selfish and that thought of you not achieving happiness

So tell me what’s a long relationship without the stages of sadness

It takes a lot of work, it takes time and patience

But I never realized that, so in my head I went crazy

My thought process was lazy, trying to find loopholes, the easiest way out

But I found you, yet you found me and I found a way out

I found love and the quickest moment I lost it

So tell me if your love was so great

How the hell did I find a way to be without it

Trials and tribulations, these are just the thoughts of the strong lover

Never to compare my first love to such a distant lover