The night falls in a heavy, suffocating cloak, cold and alone are we.
I am alone but still holding on to the reigns of a so call hope
the emotion for which you pray and seek
flares once, then dies,
devoured by your obsession but how can I let go if will you loved me once
Now all hope must die
My ticklish baby your heart desires me no more.
How can you abandon me for the glory of another?
Now the only thing between us are dark emotions, crying,
We have lost our light.
My precious nerd what do I do now that you are gone?
Will I survive or let the sea wash me away?
Please come back and save me.
I drove for miles just to find myself but now that you are gone,
Who I am?
What is love and why does it keep on hurting me?
If you are not coming back, at least free my mind and soul from you touch
I can’t do this on my own
Please, Please
Save me from this darkness, I am alone and scared
-
Author:
Clarita (
Offline) - Published: December 9th, 2017 11:34
- Comment from author about the poem: Hope is a dangerous thing to believe in.
- Category: Love
- Views: 80
- Users favorite of this poem: Accidental Poet, Saint Sinner.
Offline)
Comments6
Beautifully expressed. Hope is necessary and is not dangerous, disappointment is. Love is not bad, but good. Be blessed.
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem. You are completely right love is beautiful and full of life.
You're amazing at detailing your emotions.
Thank you.
You're welcome..
You are an incredible writer, Clarita! I said it before, but have to say it again: That old saying 'When one door closes, another opens up' is TRUE. While it is not easy, in fact very hard, to overcome a broken love, overcome you will! First of all you do have to believe in yourself. You are a good writer, and I am sure that as tepo already said, your writing will help you through the hard times. And now you have a whole bunch of people here on MPS rooting for you!!! You are not alone anymore.
Thank you so much. Your kind words have touched me deeply. I am sure I can express myself freely through here with such a welcoming community.
Hi Clarita,
I’ve just joined - found your poem, thanks for sharing I really enjoyed it!
You’ve got great images in there, and the flash (wts) as well as the sound of crying; but no laughter?
I hope it’s ok if I - with the premise: my opinion is worth that of me, a beginner, but I hope this is the spirit(?) - offer some feedback.
I think, your title, and first line overlap a bit - two ‘negatives’ and the second tells us it’s dark... when the night wants to fall in the first line.
This line:
Now the only thing between us are dark emotions, crying,
dark emotions doesn’t live up to the rest of the poem for me, it’s too literal I think
I also noticed the sea mentioned just once - was that intentional? Seemed such a dark and murky setting, full of the blind fish
Ok, this is a lot now, but, quick proof read, there’s a couple of typos that really jar and let down the whole effort - which is a real shame!
Clarita, apologies for so much there, I’m sure I’ve convinced you otherwise, but I really did enjoy the read; I wouldn’t go on otherwise.
I hope to have not, but if I have overstepped/offended please ignore/retort etc
All the best
S
Not at all, thank you for your comment. I am honestly a beginner that just writes down emotions without keeping in mind proper structure. Anything that can help me become a better writer is greatly appreciated.
One more rooting for you Clarita. As Fred and tepo have expressed, you're a good writer. You have much to be proud of in your skills. If you're feeling depressed, let your writing pull you into the light of hope. Hold on girl. Tomorrow is waiting for you.
Love the naked emotions stirring in this poem , very well written!
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