"Not Depressed"

I’m looking for an answer
To the one we all want to ask
What is the meaning of life
Are we meant for a specific task

I know the answer isn’t clear
That people make up their own
But somewhere out there
The answer must be known

How can there be nothing
To keep us standing tall
Besides the will of man
Our hopes are pretty small

I’m looking for a way
To choose the path to take
I know it’s up to me
But I’m afraid that I will break

I try to be at my best
And keep my face a smile
Trying to be positive
Cause life is rather vile

I tell everyone I’m fine
Which isn’t really wrong
For I’m not the girl
Who pretends to be strong

I am having problems
And I know I’m not fine
But I’m not one of those
Who kill, cut, or whine

That may sound offensive
But it’s not supposed to
The point is I’m not depressed
There’s something I’m going through

Mostly it’s hormones
Of just being a teen
And the choices I have to make
Before I’m actually seen

I have two options
Between religion and life
But I don’t know which one matters
It’s causing such strife

I can’t even tell
If I really believe
Do I want to understand
Or will I only greave

There’s so much I want
That I’m not supposed to
Will my right side win
Or my desires break through

The main issue is
I’m not sure what’s right
Are my desires wrong
Can I keep up the fight

It’s not depression at hand
But my life altogether
Things are confusing
It’s just crazy weather

I’m trapped in a storm
Not sure where to turn
Which way is out
Will I ever learn

In an unending circle
Where I’m spinning around
This weather is frightening
I’ll never reach ground

The rain is pouring fast
The lightning breaks free
Drenched in my own sorrow
Shocked to the knee

I want to get through
This mess of decisions
Running from end to end
A story of revisions

Is there a way out
Of the tornado within
Ripping up soil
My layer is thin

Again I’m not miserable
Just flapping about
In my puddle of choices
Ready to shout

Trying to think
Of what I should do
My mind is a muddle
Will I come to

I know it sounds crazy
That this should be easy
But it’s all I’ve known
Without it I’m queasy

My family is there
And so are my friends
If I walk away
Everything ends

So what do I choose
My life or theirs
Does it make a difference
Who really cares

I know I sound insane
Saying I’m not “depressed”
For If I’m spilling all of this
I must be pretty stressed

But that isn’t true
Depression is destroyed
While I’m just stuck
Filling a void

The reason I keep saying
That I’m not depressed
I don’t want people to worry
It just needs to rest

I’ll be ok eventually
It all takes time
But don’t leave me alone
With nothing to climb

I know there’s a light
At the end of this tunnel
I just have to find it
To get out of this struggle

When I do
Hold my hand
Tell me I made it
Back to dry land