The Girl

She sits in her room staring at the wall knowing she could never be anything more than worthless

The thoughts running through her head are on replay and never leave

So she sits facing a choice alone with no help

She sits facing death or life

Hard choice you may say, not to her she has her answer

She has had her mind made up for a while

She sits facing the wall picking up a blade

Small tears escaping her bloodshot eyes

She replays the memories one last time

As she sits there staring at the wall digging the blade into her skin

Deeper and deeper she goes

Blood trickling down her arms forming puddles on her floor

She hides her pain and lets go of suffering

She lies there broken and torn staring at the wall

Her eyes roll back and skin grows pale with each breath escaping her alreading blue lips

She feels closer and closer to death

Her one wish coming true

She blinks and suddenly enters a world of her own

She tries to find the wall

She runs for miles screaming and crying and trying to find her wall

The blood ruining her clothes

The blood that makes her pain go away

The blood full of sadness and despair

The blood that sits draining from her arms into the lakes on her floor

The lakes of blood become so big she begins to drown

Drown in all of the pain and sadness and despair and depression

She lies there with thoughts of kids words and thoughts of mom and dad’s fights, thoughts of each and every cut she has ever given herself

She looks down at the blade in her hand and begins to cut more holes, more rips

She is beginning to look like a paper doll cut and mangled, ripped and torn, crumpled and worn

Wishing she could go back to being that once bright and happy girl she was before

Return to the girl who lived

To the person who laughed for hours

The person who was really happy

The person who knew she could fall in love and know her feelings were real and that she wasn’t just faking them to make other people happy

She so desperately wishes to be that girl again that she tries to physically scars herself

She is staring at the puddles in the floor looking at the reflection of a broken girl

A girl who isn’t pretty

A girl who isn’t loved

A girl who isn’t wanted

A girl who will soon waste away to nothing and no one will notice

She will soon become a shell of her former self

The shell no one loves

The shell no one cares about

The wanted shell of the broken girl who no one notices the cuts or burns

All they see is a perfect little girl who has everything right in her life

Little do they know

When behind closed doors she cries herself to sleeps

Tears soaked so far through her pillow they no longer wash off

Mascara running down her cheeks staining what was left of her almost perfect face

Tears burning rivers into her face

Cuts opening pathways to her soul

All she has ever wanted was someone to listen but now no one ever will

She has taken her life along with scars and broken memories

She has taken her life knowing that others won’t morn her

Knowing that others won’t remember her

Knowing that others will only carry on with their own lives

She is now a distant memory

One she hopes still burns in the back of your head

She hopes you read this and realize that the girl your looking for is sitting her writing this while fighting back tear and memories

She sits her wanting to hurt herself

Wanting to take this horrible life away

Wanting to know if anyone out there really cares for her

Wanting to know if she was to take her own life whose world would come crashing down in front of them

She sits here writing her feelings into this poem

Sits here spilling the words onto the page

Sitting here wondering how many people lie awake at night thinking of her

Sitting her thinking about all those who mock her and do nothing to help her

Thinking about the ones who watch her walk through life with a painted on smile and a rehearsed laugh

Hoping no one will see through her mask, but sitting her wishing someone would be brave enough to take it off and rebuild what’s underneath