presents

here i am - all yours
a present i wrapped myself
with lacy black paper but
slightly shaky with scissors
so not all the lines are perfect

but there she is
silky and smooth as the perfect pebble
yet it’s me you skip across the lake
like i weigh nothing
more than the weight of water

and i can see from the bottom of this puddle
your hands on her clothes
on her skin
even if i close my eyes i’m still seeing you

and i can’t block you out
i can’t not hear how you love her instead of me
i can’t not see how your skin looks with hers
and can’t not feel
how much i wish it was me you were unwrapping

not that it matters because
no matter how many ribbons and bows i attach
i always just unravel myself at the end of the day
and i know what my own skin looks like
and my hands are colder than how i imagine yours
biting my own lip doesn’t feel as carnal
and i can’t place my hands where you would place yours

but hearing you love her
reminds me that until you see the present i’m offering
i shall have to keep gifting myself