There's a drought ahead
Followed by a flood of negative emotions that have been barricaded in my head
For four years now these emotions have been held back by a dam
A dam made from antidepressants and alcohol but mostly diazipam
Some might laugh but this situation's not funny
I've tried to pay the overseas vendors but they won't accept my money
I used to pay by debit card but that was too easy, too good to be true
Now the future that lies ahead is uncertain and painted dark blue
Why can't they keep it simple and just accept my money?
The overseas bank transfer isn't working, this shits far from fuckin funny
My stomach is starting to churn as the panick sets in
When my emotions cascade over the dam, then that's some deep shit I'll be in
As I'm writing this, I can feel the wrinkles in my skin getting deeper, my face growing older
Then I here a 'ping' and get a message in my inbox folder
The message is from the vendors, the missing information to make the transaction complete
Thank fuck for that, my head was starting to spill it's guts
Rotten mincemeat
I complete the order, I'm worn out, it's just been one of those days
Thank God there's psychedelics in the mail. I need to feel the suns rays
You'd think I'd try to sort my life out and I have, many times I promise
I've been to the AA meetings and narcotics anonymous
I've sat there with smack heads and alcoholics for weeks on end
Too much of my precious time I did spend
For now I'm happy with my solution, another quick fix
I'll just paper over the dam
Hide the cracks in the bricks
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Author:
Syd (
Offline) - Published: December 19th, 2017 18:54
- Comment from author about the poem: I wrote this a while ago when I was dependant on diazipam. Things are much brighter now. Thanks for reading - Syd
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 23
Offline)
Comments3
A brave and well written write! I suffer from severe anxiety so I can only imagine your hell. I hope you are faring much better these days! Thanks for sharing!
Yes Christina, much better these days. Thanks for reading - Syd
'' i'll just paper over the dam, Hide the cracks in the bricks '' i think anti - depressants can numb you to the point of not being able to let any of those emotions out , i know that , years and years ago, i was put on citalopram and after a few weeks i was like damn hell take me off them , mainly because i could no longer release tears, i could not cry even if i wanted to and it was numbing , i used to cry before on them then all of a sudden i am like i hate this i can't cry , i feel like a robot, really not nice . i am on a low dose of antidepressant now aswell as a low dose of anti-psychotic but i do cry at times , i think maybe in the past i was probably on a bit of a higher dose , anyhow . i understand what you are saying here, it can be quite scary to feel numb and unable to cry and then fearing that it will all just pour out of us, overwhelming , i am sure. this is very expressive and the ending lines are really great
i think some tablets just cover up how we are feeling .. but what we need to do is face how we are truly feeling and heal from it , not simply be thrown a tablet , all it does is cover up what is really going on inside of ourselves
I couldn't agree more Charlotte, the root cause needs to be understood. Thanks for your comment and words of understanding - Syd
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