Regrets

I wish today I never ate
Now I’m disappointed and disgusted
That’s it I’m punishing myself
No more food for a week or two
And this time I mean it

I like the way the hunger gives me pain
I deserve it
I can’t live with my disgusting body anymore
I can change my body
But I can never change who I am

I sit and wander I would be happier if I didn’t
Exist
no one would know I would be dead by now
But no I’m a coward who can’t do it Because I’m scared of the after life
I don’t want to sit in darkness or nothing but bliss
I want to be happy do I take the risk
The risk of doing it ,taking my life
But not know the after come
Maybe it’s better than being here