All LIes

Why do i continue to torture myself?

like i haven't endured enough of that from you

you tore my heart right out of my chest

caused tears to pour out of my eyes like a never ending stream

you left me wondering why i didn't deserve to be loved

and yet i still cant let you go

Everyday i check your socials

and watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep

my heart yearns for what we used to be

buy you aren't who i thought you were

you're cold hearted, heartless even

you ruined me and ill never know why

the answers lay with you, and you lay with her

She's the one who you loved enough to leave me for

it took her 6 days to worm her way into my place

the place i thought of as a home for 462 days

my heart was home when we were together

nobody understood my struggles like you

you had me dreaming of our life together

talking about how in only one years time we'd have a home

and then you changed your mind

You had never loved me

you'd been playing your game for over a year

pulling me along because i was convenient in your life

you had never appreciated me, its something we both new

id learned to accept it, purely because i was in love with you

And then you let me go

only you didn't really let me go did you?

you messed with my head for a further 3 months

drunk, calling me and texting me, calling her a slut

emotionally manipulating me, saying that you needed me

that you were choosing me

that you would want me as long as i wanted you

it was all lies

the final night you called

you asked me to tell her ex about your dirty little secret

you'd been sleeping together for weeks while they were still dating

you'd done the 'right thing' and told me after the first time and broke my heart

it was then i realised it had all been about her

i was your game to get her back because you loved her and she broke you

kind of like you had done to me

it just proved you'd never loved me, had never even cared for me

because my feelings weren't important

now you're back together, after all of the drama she caused

after the pain  she put the both of us through

she was still the one that you chose

i don't know how long it'll take for my heart to mend

whether it ever will, will i ever stop loving you?

the first man who stole my heart

the first man to break my heart

i hope that the day i forget you comes quickly

because the pain is too much to bare

M.