Make the Cold Days Warmer

When it's cold outside we use a coat or a jacket to protect us from being cold or frost bitten. I put the coat on, I button it up and I'm warm.  
 
The other day I encountered colder weather than I ever had before. So, I put on my coat, I buttoned it up and this time, I didn't get warm. I put on gloves, I put on a hat, still cold. I came in, stayed in, turned up the heat...and still cold.  
 
You see, this wasn't your normal outside freezing cold. The cold came from her but it wasn't mother nature. It was from a woman with a broken heart and I can't save her. 
 
What do you mean you can't save her? Well...I didn't create her. I can go years still fail, trying to do what God has to do to heal her.  
 
Well do you still love her? Of course, I still love her, I love the fact of us. But right now, I can't discuss us because there is no...us.  
 
The faith and the hope I had or maybe have has been put in reserve.  
 
Is God going to give you what you deserve? Yes, but not in the form of a woman. He's cleaning me up and filling me up so that I can feel good when I wake up every morning. No more mourning.  
 
You see, the love I felt I lost is not lost. Sometimes God has to move some pieces around to make sure we can both sing the hook..."To much sauce". Oh, you not a fan of the rap game. We'll let me explain.  
 
Maybe God has to sit her aside and finish filling me up, make me the man he needs me to be, also, start working on her once she wakes up, and realizes she not healing the right way, let me do some things to numb the pain kind of way, I'm moving too fast "I need another man to fill this void" fast lane kind of way. Fast lane like fast break in basketball, oops! it's a missed shot, another "rebound" kind of way. Then things start to come clear and she goes back to the roots where she knows God is there. Now she's getting that fulfilment in a real kind of way.
 
God works in mysterious ways. He knows we have kids we parent together. He knows it will be times when we both will see and feel all this he has put in too the mix. She will see the change in me and i will see the change in her. If it's not to late, we could finally be able to sit down and talk about reconciliation.   
 
Until then it's a hit or miss. I'm a little bit ahead of the game. Right now she doesn't want her heart to feel none of this. Me telling her to listen and try a certain way, is like oil and water mixing and actually staying that way. Then what? Oil is pretty thick, that would be her heart right now, and I've opened my heart up to healing and feeling, so how can it breathe being bogged down. Not saying she's bad for me, but it's what's inside of her that's eating her up, causing her to take me down. 
 
The preparation and the fixing I mentioned by God is correct. But who he has for me is what is hard to accept. It's a moment that goes by that I wept on the steps. And then... Boom... God injects, the woman I never met, reviving my heart to be able to love pure and clear, standing tall and confident, on the steps I just wept.  
 
Yea. I said a woman I never met. It can be the same woman of which I wept about on the steps. But now she changed inside and it's the first time we've ever met. At the same time through my Daily Grind, it can be a woman that I've never encountered before in time. Although I know the desires of my heart, and I would love it to be the one I was with from the start. I can't determine where her heart will end up, or when it will restart. Not to mention, am i even still a part of her heart. 
 
As far as I know, something may still be there. For instance, she tries way too hard not to be face to face with me or go into a stare. Maybe an argument will occur, cause those feelings are a still there. Sometimes it may be an occasional unannounced visit, checking to see who is there and if my heart is still there. How about me worrying about her welfare, or if she still cares. Thinking where she may be at night, since she is not here by me. Analyzing her motives, since she never is really clear to me. All of these things can mean so much. Some of them may have to go. Because if it's not sincere and out of love and kindness, somebody is out of luck. Then your sitting back with even more of a broken heart, looking like, what... the...f**k!