The Difference between Sponges and Miracles

honestly. where do i go from here. how do i wake up and walk on my own after all these years. i have been with you sense i was sixteen years old. this year i will be turning twenty. i have never been on my own as an adult. i never thought that one day i would wake up and not have you beside me. i know that work has been hard and i have been stressful and that we lost each other for a while but i never in a million years thought you would leave me. at least.. not for her. yes.. she is beautiful. she is new and shiny and she is what you call a miracle. i know that she makes you feel high when i make you want to go and get high. i know that the love we had has been drained and set out to dry but i believe that we can still be something. i can not just let you go. you were my entire world. you were my best friend sense sixth grade. i just do not understand how you could push me out. 3 weeks ago my body was warmed up against yours and you looked into my eyes and said "i feel the love again" and i thought we had hope. i thought that we were still something special. that our bond was unbreakable. i am not writing this because it is poetry. i am writing this to get the pain off my chest and onto the page. i am writing this to ask the questions i never got to ask him because he listens to her problems now. i am writing this to be able to see my issues in tangible form. why. why was i not good enough. was it the shape of my body. was it because of the way i became angry when i was worried. was it because of the times i felt lonely and talked to a few people online to make new friends. was it because i didn't message you enough. was it because i am a dry sponge and she is a new and shiny diamond. a miracle you might say. was i just to much to handle. was i not enough. when you said that you feel in love with the girl i use to be, i was confused.. because i am here. i am me. i didn't go anywhere. i didn't walk out the door and become a new person when i came home. i am still here. so no.. i am still the same girl but with different and better values. the problem was.. before i came home.. you locked me out. i banged my hand on that door as hard as i could. but then my hand started to bleed. when i looked at my hand and looked at the door.. i realized that nothing i could do or say would change anything. so no, i am not writing this as a hailmary to try and weave my way back to you. this is for me. this is for moving on. this is for being good enough for me and finding my own god damn miracle. the miracle may be shiny now but throughout time, shine turns to rust. in conclusion, i believe that you will never be satisfied and you do not deserve a beautiful sponge like me.