War of the Drobe!

I ordered a wardrobe in 2010.

If I only knew now what I didn’t know then!

But just after I bought it, had a notice to quit

And the next place we lived in the floors were so shit!

So it’s now four years later and I’m moving once more.

Should stay here for a while. Whoop, we've got concrete floors.

So no more excuses, let’s get this thing up.

But no answer from him as he’s having a nap!

So I check all the pieces...I'm feeling bereft

Three drawers, six sides: - but two rights and four left.

Thank god that Estates have offered to help

They’ll re-drill the holes so my drawer’s not a shelf.

I did ring the catalogue but they laughed at my plea

‘A long time ago, Miss, I hope you can see

There’s nowt we can do. Should have checked it all then

When you bought it from us back in 2010.

I won’t let that defeat me; I’m building the body

But I read the instructions, gee, they are so shoddy!

Spent the next day translating it all into English

Will this wardrobe go up? Will it ever be finished?

Meanwhile our clothes are piling higher and higher.

I’m always washing and using the dryer.

So sick of re-folding the same flippin' stuff

I'm starting to foam, and I huff and I puff.

‘Can we please do this wardrobe?’ I’ve started to stammer

I’m walking towards him with a bloomin' great hammer

I can’t take no more, it’s got to be done

Else he's gonna get it (and the wardrobe has won).

I spent Saturday checking and sorting the screws

Into various boxes so they're ready to use.

And last Sunday I finally started at three.

After I’d emptied the bedroom while he watched TV

It came together at a reasonable rate

But two hours on the guidance quickly turned into eight

The glue was too old and had gone out of date

I can see how love can quickly turn into hate

So I’ve the shell of a wardrobe standing up tall

It’s no longer in pieces all over the hall.

Two drawers are finished; the doors are unwrapped

The hinges are on and the plinth is attached

I’m now waiting for help to put on the doors

Can’t do it myself else I’d end up on all fours

Not sure how much longer it’s now gonna take

Need to catch him but he’s rarely awake.

Isn’t it funny what a few words can do

When they’re carefully chosen and all about you

So he got straight up and came to my side

We got the doors on and stood there with pride

‘The bloody thing’s finished,’ I shouted with glee.

But now time to sort all the clothes I can see

But at the end of this very long tunnel there’s light

I’ve finally coming to the end of my plight.

Just that last drawer with two lefts and no right

But I’ll take it to work and they’ll put it right

And once that’s all done I’ll say cheers to the strife

And begin to sort out the rest of my life.