The mess of words from depression

When you left you took me with you. The day you went to heaven you took me. I know you did because i don’t have the memory of a year ago let alone today. I am not the name i was born into. I am the clone of who everyone wants me to be because that is all i know how to be. I don’t know how to laugh anymore because that was a fault in my making. Along with the ability to have a real smile or have any emotion other than guilt, sadness anger and worry. I am not the person you would remember me as if you had lived on this planet still. The only thing that i can possibly remember is waking up to the day you were not there anymore and we have to find a way to live without you. It’s like taking the air from our lungs and telling us not to hold our breath and if we try to breath it will come naturally. Almost as natural as learning to breath under water. I had to re teach myself to walk eat and talk when you left. You took my whole self with you and i don’t know how to get that back and i don’t think i ever will. When you killed yourself you killed me along with that bullet in your head.