The reflection

My soul slowly falls through my fingers like sand, unable to keep it all together, it slips down grain by grain and i watch it but am unable to say or do anything.

Each grain is a time you made me hurt and you stuck the knife in deeper. I want to hate you but i cant, i contemplate why you cut away at me and dragged me into this pit of despair, all i can feel is myself slip away more each and every day and the pain is ever lasting.

One tear falls, it's all i will allow at this moment, i watch it run down my cheek in the mirror, i beg myself the strength to get through it. Why did you do it to me? What did i do to deserve it? is all i can ask, my reflection shatters as my fist connects, the blood runs down my knuckles and reminds me of the tear that ran down my cheek, a physical reminder of how the pain inside me is escaping and showing for the world to see.

I clench my fist, bracing for the tidal wave of emotion to return and hit me like a tsunami and drag me to that place i never want to visit. I feel myself begin to drown. I have relived this moment so many times already, do i really want to keep doing it, maybe this time i just let it take me.

My heart feels like a drum being beaten over and over to a painful rhythm, each time reminding me of the things you did, my heart sinks and sinks, my head fills with pressure and i can feel the tears fill and attack my eyes like a raging river colliding with a dam. I know if the dam breaks this time that will be it, i will drown just as i always feared, in my own agony and despair. I would give anything just for it to end, just to feel the grains of sand that are my soul to return to me and the raging fire in my heart for you would form it into a glass crafted heart just for you, but i know you would only shatter it again.

The scars of my soul and heart are there for all to see but you choose to be blind to them, moving on as if they were a natural part of me and not caused by your actions. I just want to heal but i cant. I piece together the broken mirror like a jigsaw, the cracks are there though and i see my broken reflection looking back at me and i finally feel like the broken person looking back is the clearest reflection of myself i have ever seen because i am truly broken. Maybe someone can piece the real me back together one day. But when?