Self Mutilation

literary food for thought.   Self Mutilation:

(ah bet thar iz an app for that!) within unlit partial "FAKE abattoir" 
   sans wardrobe alcove 
   where dust bunnies didst allures
completing a simple task among 
   my never ending (Matthew's) list 
   of domestic chores
this undertaking engaged 
   thankfully while completely clothed, 
   and scrounging on all fours 
nonchalantly picking up scattered detritus 
   including food crumbs 
   potential critters hors d'oeuvres 
the spouse (ideally seated     on this same swivel chair     dashing off these lines
   linkedin with this Macbook Pro) -     housing at least four scores
of word documents, she espied 
   the cheeky opportunity 
   that triggered many wars

within arms length the taut outline     of me 'lil derriere - re: rear end
temporarily dormant versus     when flatulence roars -       posterior flank hie     could not de fend
she playfully poked her finger     that didst dis send    within close vicinity of sphincter, 
   where rectal turgid business height tend

(most likely this husband not alone     getting tushy twerked) inn me own coal
less cents great movements got made     jabbing ma bung hole       while i happened     to be "blindly" groping     upon darkly cutout cubby hole
i.e. without wearing bifocals/ spectacles - 
   envision a human mole thus amply qualified her role to be literal and figurative     pain in the ass vole,   where much to my horror a flash  of red hot poker blind     momentary rage, did lash
out at me, when aye espied       a kitchen knife and acted rash
(how cutlery got in closet floor     a minor mystery 
   and potential topic de jure       for another poem)    to brandish sharp edge     around abdominal area  grabbed handle with left hand,     thence commenced to slash
  rhythmically thwacking     wrist of right hand
then quickly dropped sharp implement  (as like a man momentarily possessed)     before rendering permanent harm     with a river of blood to wash.