Torn

They nag and they nag and they nag and they fight.

And they push back darn hard against any attempted advance of light.

I am outnumbered, cornered, surrounded by them all around.

Weakened by their sinister whispers in my ear, I feel my knees hit the ground.

My foe is ultimately too many, too much

It was impossible for me to withstand the repetition of such a heavy punch

I am down, conquered and defeated, but not out of the war

But now I fight in vain and question my conviction, what I’m fighting for

Sometimes I call it quits, throw my hands in the air and let them trample me

But then I find strength in a renewed conviction that I am not the one who brings victory

So then I rise with a determination to see through the mission,

But I cannot hold onto my faith that strong under the heaviness of the opposition.

It’s a never-ending war I know I cannot win,

I am always knocked down, but I still always get back up again

I am criminal and victim, feeding the dog that attacks me no matter

I find no joy in victory, but defeat always makes me sadder

The Voice of Truth lets out a last, empty whisper of death as it fades away,

Replaced by the sinister whispers of ghosts to taunt me all day

Back and forth they go in my brain

I hate, I love, this deadly pain

It feels good to hurt, to be in pain, to hate, so I welcome it in

No, I don’t believe that, so God by my side, I fight that sin

Not knowing your side makes it harder to effectively make and wage war

And I do not know good and evil, my friend or enemy apart anymore

Around and around in dance go the angels and demons in my head,

I rejoice and sing alive, I lay dormant and still as dead

At the beginning of the day, I look in the mirror and see my worst enemy and closest ally

The day begins, and so does the next fight in a war as pointless as a ball and endless as the sky