Annihilation

This time it's dark and there's no rain
Just his favourite song ringing in my brain
Do you think he'll be mad when he finds out?
That finally, finally I managed to kill myself.
I would be disappointed in me too
Like every fucker else that's shaken my hand
All I wanted to do was be selfish
I'm tired of never having or being enough
I'm tired of waking up everyday
Is it mean to just want to die?
Instead of every single night crying for a release?
For I can't escape the thing inside of me

My happy rose pill is gone and left me
It's dark not because it's night
But rays of sunshine fell fell fell
Let I still hear those butterflies going about
Wings fluttering, irritating me now
And I can't stand it and I don't know how it
To move on and obsess with someone else
All I wanted to absolute dedication
Buts it a rude request when their ribs are breaking
Under my thumbs I press harder
I didn't mean to, but I beat louder
Louder than any other in my position

Oh God to hold you now would be so perfect
Connecting as one.. but would it be worth it?
Tears streaming down your beautiful face
I because I couldn't  take off and abuse someone new
I swear it was never that way
I just wanted to make you happy, make life ok
But I'm self detonating as we speak
Hopefully I only have minutes to breath
I've tried so many times and failed so quickly
New year, new me, new lies, new blessing.
Lie here swollen pretty red ink
Tears streaming but it's not what you think

I'm a mess a mess and it's all my fault
I drifted too far and look what it got
Now I'm alone No one else to hurt
Yes. He'll be devastated but it not long it will hurt
For you can't weep over someone as evil as me
Who turns words to punches the moment they speak
Trying to read inbetween lines
But my heads a muddle and nothing is fine
If i wake in the morning it'll be a shame
To have to life on and pretend it's ok
Because all I wish to do is suffer then die
It's less painful then staying alive

To watch someone you love
Walk off and move
All because you couldn't compute
Oh dear I'm sorry I couldn't save you
Now I must save me in the way I chose to
To fall asleep sad but wake up again happy
Pretty pretty ink falling so quickly
And stare at the ceiling until the light dims out
Remember when you loved me once
Remembering when I was your one
To slip, slip away into the night.
Stolen by an angels kiss at morning light