adam brown

breaking free

the same questions,

I'm asking myself ones again,

how, why,

results are always the same,

spent up and used up emotional pain,

it feels like am dragging a ball n a chain,

uphill in the rain..

never again..

and I mean it this time,

but lose grip n fall soon as I start to clime.

I feel so tired, I feel so weak,

the same words ones again I mentally speak,

a power greater then me

I shoud try to seek,

but i cause upset, mistrust

I lie and i sneak.

so if god dose exsist or forces in stealth,

why should they take notice

unless I help myself..

I don't understand why i cannot break free,

when I do understand what it's doing to me..

see for a minute or two I may feel fine,

when I smoke on that pipe or sniff up a line..

but what follows is awful

inside me it's carnage,

hiding bags and used pipes in the garbage..

I sweat and I panic,

im paronid and im stressed,

it feel like my Heart is gonna beat out my chest..

the mental torcher

and awful anxiety,

now in such dark place I long for sobriety..

i guess its apparent, it must be addiction,

not thinking twice about what i was mixing,

heating a spoon on the hob in kitchen..

but now looking back

i must recall the pain..

when it smashed me to bits..

almost sent me insane,

so when these dark thoughts

next enter my brain,

I have all tools to keep it contained..

I'm now In control,

drugs have no hold on me,

I'm no longer a slave,

finally I'm breaking free..


  • yellowrose

    hello brownie .. this is a really good piece of writing .. i love your sense of control towards the end of this piece '' i'm no longer a slave, finally i'm breaking free'' such a great realisation , to be free of that which is bad for you and to know you can finally take some form of control ..i love how you refer your struggles to walking in the rain with a ball and chain .. enjoyed reading this

    • adam brown

      thank you so much yes it was certainly a difficult time. I really appreciate your comment. I have maybe another six as iv only been writing for a few months. but it's a great way for me to express myself. thank you 😊

    • Tequilasangel

      I really loved what you've written, it's very relatable for today's audience. I really admire your strength, I wish I was able to gain control like that

    • adam brown

      thank you so much your comment means a lot

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