Effort

to all of those whom I love, I don’t even know if I used that word correctly, I just wanted to say this:

You are the only reason I live, life is boring, not fun

I don’t see the point of life even though, I supposedly know.

I’m not scared of death, I’m just scared of pain

So to all you, you know your names

I will NEVER... never be 100% sure you love me unless you say those words

I say I love you by being slightly awkward but persistent, so until you say it I’ll be distant 

 

I’m pretty I’m  just too impatient with everything

 

As my parents visit my depressed brothers grave, I know I’m safe because I don’t even have the guts to do the same, even though we share the same views 

So I’ll just write this all in my notes for no one but me and the world who doesn’t know me to see

 

I’m sorry to my family, my friends, the people who read this, the only person I love, and me.

 

This is how I am am and I don’t see it ever changing but I’ll keep living for the ones that I think love me, because I’m not living for me

I’ll keep trying.