New normal

I tend to think to myself how would my life be if you were still here would I still be struggling with depression to this degree? Probably, I doubt it, you made me happy when I was sad you made my bad days better you also told me it would be ok you were so wise for your age and right now I could really use some of those words of wisdom it would be great to hear you say everything will be ok but now I have to dig deep inside myself and find the strength to say that it will be ok because in reality I know that one day everything will be ok it won't be back to normal, normal would be having you here with me cheering me on, normal would be you helping me get through this, normal would be us spending every day together like always, but now I face a "new normal" and a "new life" to be perfectly honest I wasn't and I'm still not fully prepared for that. I live a "new normal" every day that I wake up I live a life where now I must depend on myself and people around me to function correctly and I suck at it truthfully. My life now consist of me thinking about what would you do how would you handle this situation how would you handle watching everybody around you pretty much fall apart I know that you would handle it flawlessly you would handle it on the most logical way you would process everything so gracefully that's because you were always a strong person than me that's why my whole world revolved around you and that's why my whole world crashed around me when I lost you.